Why I Ain’t Gotta Man?

Still banned from Random Established Dive Blues Joint Without Junkyard in the Name, and after more confused IM exchanges with the owners who don’t know why either, I enjoyed some down time.

Obscene number of Hair Fair purchases arranged neatly by Long Down, Long Tied, Short and Updo, complete with photos of each pack? Check! New dollarbie Hello Kitty knee band-aids? Check! Inventory sorted by category, color, date of purchase and mood at the time? Check!

Date for the evening? Yeah, not so much. 

I had a request for credits on my pics, so here we go: 

• Mafia Store, Riviera smokes
• Pudge pose
• Arcadia Asylum’s old phone books and newspapers
• BQ Designs, Mexican Beer can
• Tiny Bird, Gattina rollers
• Bare Rose Candy Alice plain apron
• Apple May Designs, Heart Breaker shorts
• Rockberry Uma skin

Women in Cages

I accepted an invitation to dance with my future exSLhubs at Established-Dive-Blues-Joint-not-set-in-a-Junkyard. We’re dancing, I’m swatting his nose for looking up my skirt, we’re having a nice time and suddenly I get TPd home mid dance. Try to TP back … banned! 

Um. I’ve never gotten in trouble in any sim. Well, not caught. I’ve been frequenting this establishment for two years. The only person with ban rights claims she didn’t do it, it must be an SL glitch, so sorry, looking into it, blahblahblah. Sigh. 

I’ve always said that if I ever end up in the big house, I’m finding the biggest baddest butchiest babe in the joint, hopping in her lap and calling her Daddy. And I like a good Women in Prison fantasy as much as the next girl. This is not how my scene begins. Though, strangely enough, I did get an offer from someone who wanted to be cast as my warden.  

I think I better load up on smokes and snack cakes.

Fairytales Do Come True

After a particularly frustrating day made better by many Hair Fair purchases with Ely and El, followed by dancing at Club E-co, I decided it’s time to honor SLove that works. A couple that demonstrate the possibilities? My friends Kalli and Copa. I’ve known Kalli for ages (don’t worry, I won’t say a word) and was so happy to see her find her soul mate. 

And why do they work? Because DJ Moosh Moosh knows his place. He’s all “yes baby, no baby, anything you say baby,” dutifully doting on his beautiful wife. So here’s a song dedicated to my favorite couple.

❤ you guys!

Lady in Wait

Yeah.

How You Doin’?

After a slew of simply ewwww come-ons, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I mean really, how hard can it be to make a simple introduction?

I found the dreamiest swoon-worthy, hat-cocked-just-so av in away mode — you know, so I wouldn’t feel all rejecty if I didn’t get a reply. I scanned his profile picks for clues and took my best shot. 

Feles Seitan: Be my future ex SLhubs? I’ll keep the primtots, at least the ones that aren’t yours. And there might be a trans am in it for you.

What followed was the most entertaining conversation I’ve had in ages. See, boys, all it takes is a little creativity. And some strategic positioning.

~ this bird had flown ~

Sometimes I am left speechless. 

[2009/06/13 9:06]  LilPecker: in the morning if i have morning wood and need to pee i need to literally lean forward to the point of having my hands on the floor and my ass in the air over the seat because even scooting all the way back i cant get my dick in the bowl.

[2009/06/13 9:07]  LilPecker: and standing up while aiming down like that? Painful messy and unwise

Wait. Why?  Just. Huh?

Sometimes I really don’t understand people. I’m a lot of talk and not so much action. I am flirty sometimes. And I’ve been known to make a grown man blush if I’m in the mood. But nothing, nothing about me should say contact me randomly and tell me about your morning urination woes. 

I decided it was time for an extended break from field trials and spent the evening shooting Solange love with Ely and El. After a spell of hollow misleading offers, guys who vanish when their RL wives stumble into the room, insane random come-ons — when I’ve lost faith in the potential of SLove, nothing is better than a night leaning on the best girlfriends. After all, I am Ely and El’s bish. 

Me: like, i’m really gonna ask permission to leave the computer to go to the bathroom?

Me: not unless it’s you and we’re doing a shoot! lol

Me: See, Ely is my true Master 😛

You: like, i’m really gonna ask permission to leave the computer to go to the bathroom?

You: not unless it’s you and we’re doing a shoot! lol

You: See, Ely is my true Master 😛

Schooled

First off, thanks ever so much to those guys who read my ‘lil blog and contacted me in-world with, “Hey stranger, how are you? Now bend over!”

Heh.

Without going into details, I recently got schooled on how to please a man. It seems my usual look lacked something.

If this look doesn’t purr, “I want to SLex you … now … fetch your boy parts and grab a blue ball” …

Maybe he was right. I get complacent. I have an inventory in excess of 100k if I count what’s in storage boxes yet wear the same three outfits for weeks. What can I say, I feel silly and desperate standing around alone in a low-cut dress and FMPs hoping someone will log as an alt and ask me out for coffee. 

So in my quest to bone up on how to land a man, I offer my new look for lounging around the house. 

Whip It, Grandpa

The invitation: ’80s. Roller skating. Country & Western. BDSM. 

I took a night off from field trials for some girl time. Who could resist the call of The Call, purple skates and eyeshadow to match? While losing myself in the sounds of *ahem* that time of my life, I was hit with IM reminders that some guys need a handbook. 

Boys, let’s review the rules, shall we? And these, btw, are offenders from today only.

1. Just because we flirted once does not mean you can try to do me in IM. Seriously. Try “hello, how have you been, stranger?” before you bend me over, k? Right now there are about eight of you going, “Doh!” Why do you do that? 

2. I don’t care to be diapered. Gotta watch those typos, tiger. 

3. “Maybe I should come flirt with you as an alt,” [because he’s not available as his main av] is quite possibly not as flattering as you think it is. 

4. Leaving me to be with someone else, because you felt bad about standing with me and ignoring me while you chatted in IM with someone else shouldn’t even have to be explained. 

5. Sucks for you that your girlfriend isn’t around these days. Don’t try to call me in like a stunt double. 

Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

~You’re so Vain~

We all want to believe we’re memorable. We invest in our avs, we try to be engaging and witty. And then this happens.

HotGuyWhoChecksRandom FriendsOnList: I was trying to remember where I met you …

Um yeah.

OK, he wasn’t that kind of friend. But still. 

I suppose we all see, or hope to see, a little of ourselves in most situations we encounter. We want to believe that we’ve left someone smiling. That someone thinks about us when we’re not around. That we’ve made an impact.

I’m surprised by the number of guys who contact me to ask, “Hey, that blog was about me, wasn’t it?” If you have to ask, it’s not. I’m not targeting anyone. I’m not hoping to rekindle a long lost love affair. It’s me being silly and random and sharing the events that make me laugh or think. With the five of you who read this on a regular basis. (heart you!)

Mama Said There’d be Days Like This

Give me an asshat and I know exactly what to do. What I find truly disarming is a man who is nice. Talkative. Able to match my banter. 

The evening began as usual. Now don’t be shocked kids, but sometimes I visit fetish clubs. I’m probably the only main av who does so openly without being forced in on a leash. My close friends aren’t surprised. *Turn off highlight transparent, Ely!* 

So, I’m standing around people watching when the IMs start.

Master Wannabee: “Are you into BDSM?”

Me: “What’s that?” 

Master Neverbeen: “What are you looking for, slut?”

Me: “The exit.”

MasteringFrom MamasBasement: “You are now my slave.” 

Me: “Huh?”

And then. You find someone you can actually speak to. Someone equally playful. 

Master OMGandRawr: “Insert intelligent dialog … ”

Me: Insert dork seizure and lip diddling …

You see, I don’t know what to do when someone is nice. Interesting. Engages me in an intelligent way. For every point, a counterpoint. An erotic mental dual that leaves me all mush.

Bitterness is easy. Letting down my guard, I don’t know. History says bad, bad move, always. For the moment I will smile to myself and bask in the fantasy that perhaps there are some men who can role play not being an asshat for a few minutes a day. Sure, they are probably all alts. But maybe.